Self Serve Coffee for Dummies

This is one that's been brewing (ha!) for years...

I go to a place most AMs to get myself a cup 'o' joe, and copies of the NY Daily News and NY Post (hey, I'm the common man!). Small place with an incredibly inconvenient parking lot. Six spaces. Nice guy named Bob (but that's not his real name). I'll get to that in another rant.

They have self-service for your hot beverages. Mostly good ol' java, but they have some flavored coffee (don't get me started), teas, and hot chocolate. So let's not limit this to a coffee rant. Anyway, they also have 4 sizes include a 20oz. that I favor for the very affordable price of $1.50. How much would that buy at Starbucks?

So where am I going here? They have two spacious areas to get your cup, pour your selection, add your accompaniments (milk, cream, sugar, phony sugar), stir briskly and place a lid. This process should take all of 30 seconds. I know if I'm the guy who owns it I'm hoping it takes no longer. Volume sales + beverage profit pays the rent with moolah-dee!

But------ there are those among us who must throw a monkeywrench in the works. Those who must stand and inspect cups (they are all the same, just different sizes), try to figure out which pot is the freshest (here is a hint - when they make new pots, they mix all the old one's together!), pour their coffee, then try to decide if they want milk or cream (big decision), then sweeten the brew. One this chemistry project is almost over, they stir, and stir, and stir. Then they wait and try a sip, and another sip. "Oooh, it's tepid!" Needs more cream apparently. Sip again. Little more sweetener. Sip again. Almost there. A little more of this and a little more of that. Sip. "Aaah, just right" (because we'd hate for you to have a coffee with just a little too much/too little of the nutrients and vitamins it provides!

So, on the way.

NO.

With all that adding and adding, there is now too much beverage for the cup to hold once the lid is placed. It's called displacement. But since you barely know how to pour a cup of coffee, I won't hold you to knowing that one. So now we have the inevitable sip-fest until we get to an acceptable liquid level. AARGH!

The biggest problem is not the actual time it takes to make this antidote. It is the plain and simple fact that this jack*** is always standing in the middle of things, hindering the progress of hard-working, ordinary folk who know how to make a cup of coffee. And when these geniuses finally do make their way to the counter, they block that last hurdle too, probably asking "what we're the numbers last night". Idiots.

Here is a clue. Get out of your car, have a plan, make your coffee and get out!

So you can most likely get to the ATM before me and hinder me there as well.

Cup of steaming hot blog!

21st Century Hank

A Renaissance Man.

A Modern Man.

A Post-Industrial Revolution Giant of a Man.

Gates. No. Trump. No. Seacrest. No.

Hank Steinbrenner.

I love this guy. He is a mountain of bluster wrapped in a fountain of blabber. Check out what makes Hank sing old T-Rex songs in his sleep with these quotes regarding the injury to Chien-Ming Wang running the bases:

"My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century," Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. "They need to grow up and join the 21st century.
"Am I [mad] about it? Yes," Steinbrenner added. "I've got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He's going to be out. I don't like that, and it's about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s."

But Hank how about other things in the grand old game? By your account, new-fangled materials like aluminum (like the Heineken can I see you holding in pictures) and other precious metals are being used for bats. Wood is old-fashioned there, ol' Hickory!

Here is a fact: At the age of 5, in T-Ball, we teach young boys and girls how to run bases. By the age of 7, most of them get it. If a pitcher (who gets paid a lot of money) can't "run the bases" - are they a baseball player?

Hank Rules!!!!!

Happy Day, Dads

To everyone out there (if applicable) - Happy Father's Day.

Short but sweet posting today.

Summer Travel Baseball starts on Monday, and as usual, you get the schedule a day or two before, now comes the fun part of confirming games.

Why is it that when you have tryouts for a Spring/Summer Travel team that clearly asks parents about vacation, days away, etc., they always send you an e-mail two days before they leave. Since I'm not a travel agent, I have no idea what these people do.

My PAL (rec) Baseball team (9-10yo) have made the Championship Game, but last night's torrential storm delayed the game a week. An interesting story goes with the playoffs that I will relate once it's all done.

The Mets are killing me.

I will be posting about my pool woes. I feel let down. Once I get over my depression about my backyard jewel, I'll let it all out in this space.

BlogOut

"SoulSlam, How's the Pool?"

Thanks for asking. Don't mind if I gloat.

The pool is bliss. Water is clear, the filter is pumping, and with the mini-heatwave and about 2 weeks of sunshine, I am pleased to announce a water temperature of about 86 degrees. Sweet.

Put the ballgame on the radio, pop the cap on a cold one, and float. Except for the kids splashing me, it's like a tropical paradise. In the middle of suburbia.

Hot Enough For Ya?

Here in the great state of North Jersey (see previous posts newbies!) - we are in the grip of a HEATWAVE, with a capital H. Hot. Humid. Early June should not be this warm, particularly when we had 50-60 degree days only a couple of weeks ago. Right now my weather gadget says it's 82, at nearly 7PM - we hit about 95-96 today. Perfect weather for my team's playoff game today. If you count the time we we're at the field for warm-ups (9:30AM) and the delay of game because the ump didn't show and we had to get another (we were the visitor so don't blame me), the boys we're out for 4 hours. Played their hearts out. We lost 12-11 in extra innings. Came back in the top of 7th (this league plays 7 inning games even at 9U), to go up a run. The home team tied it in the bottom of seven and we lost in eight. The boys played well and one or two breaks and we go on. That's baseball, right?

Spring Baseball, whether it' s travel, LL, Rec, PAL - it's all winding down. So good luck to everybody out there playing the last remnants, and for those doing Summer Travel - the Grail of Youth Baseball - have a good season.

Who bet on Big Brown?

But Is It A Sport?

Long debates back in the ol' barroom days. Trying to decide if something televised as sport really is. There's really nothing scientific here. And this post was prompted from listening to Mike and the Mad Dog broadcast from Belmont today.

Someone once said to me "if it's on ESPN it's a sport!"; but ESPN televises Spelling Bees (not a sport), poker (not a sport) and Worlds Strongest Man Competitions (nope), which coincidentally are always held in countries that seem to encourage use of the juice. We'll post that little diatribe later.

So here's my list. Categories are Sport, Game, Pastime, Activity and the elusive Sporting. These are the ones that engage in wagering to elicit excitement. The NFL doesn't count.

Easy ones first:
Baseball - Sport
Football - Sport
Basketball - Sport
Hockey - Sport
Tennis - Sport

Now some classifications that will anger some:
Golf - Pastime (though it would become a sport if you randomly inserted snipers on the course)
Horse Racing - Sporting (and you can include Dog Racing)
Jai Alai - Sporting ('cause you can bet in FLA and CT)
Lacrosse - Sport
Running - Activity for most, Sport for the serious
Cycling - same as above
Bowling - Activity (anything that occurs with bad fashion, smoking and longnecks can't be a sport. Sorry Fatso)
Men's Softball - Activity (see bowling, except most guys seem to favor Under Armour)
Archery - Activity
Climbing - Stupid
Billiards - Game
Darts - Game
Surfing - Activity
BASE Jumping - Illegal in most States
Polo - Pastime
Cricket - Pastime
Rugby - Sport
Paintball - see Climbing, only twice as Stupid

You see, all you weekend warriors, it's all in how you look at it. For all of you who's favorite endeavor made the list as not a Sport. Send the hatemail.

Blogging - Activity

The Dugout

Back for more wisdom? Welcome.


I have a saying in Youth Baseball -
Discipline in the Dugout leads to Discipline in the Field.

So what does that mean? Simple. It means players must behave in a professional and respectful manner. No trash talk, no messing around. When we win, we hold our heads high, and wen we lose we do the same. No crazy celebrating, no chanting, no baby bush-league baseball bull***t!

So my rant? We played a vastly inferior baseball team tonight. And they beat us 8-7 in 8 innings. Frustrating. My boys looked lethargic, we were lousy in the field, but still stayed in the game. Lost in the 8th on a nice flare into left - the kid who hit it plays travel baseball for me, so I was happy to see it. So OK - they win. Now here comes the celebratory dancing like they won the world series. ARGHHH.

But my real issue - the way the coaches acted. Just bush-league. I have forgotten more about baseball than these guys will ever know, and I have to hear how "we're afraid to pitch to their best hitter". Sure. That's why we played in with the bases loaded and 2 out, and made the 6-3 putout on the kid.

BUSH-LEAGUE FELLAS. Gotta go.